"If we were still in high school, we'd totally be in love by now," I allowed those largely untrue words tumble out of my fat mouth like dice from the sweaty, desperate palms of a Peruvian businessman on a lost weekend. Let's hope I don't roll snake eyes! I leaned over and hit pause as the final seconds of "Dark Park Creeping" by Mo-Dettes tapered off like my interest in Moira's story about her brother's burgeoning career as a cagefighter.
"So he basically spends half his time running with a log," concluded Moira as I leafed through my CD wallet while feigning a knowing smile (really trying to locate my Dolly Mixture compilation CD-R).
"Wow! A log? What a wild man!" I exclaimed after exactly thirteen seconds of distracted silence. I decide to go with Marine Girls instead. No, no. Young Marble Giants would be perfect right now. Does she even know that Hole didn't write "Credit in the Straight World"? It would be fun to show her how much more I know about music than she does (again).
"Hey, you know that song from 'Live Through This'... 'Credit in the Straight World'?..." I lead in while placing the CD in my stereo.
"You mean, the Young Marble Giants cover?" she replied, almost too quickly. Had I already told her?
"Had I already told you that?" I asked as sweat began to rapidly form on my forehead and several blood vessels in my left eye spontaneously ruptured.
"Uh, no. Doesn't everyone know that?" Her words sailed over my skin like sentient cheese graters shaving off all my skin and leaving it at my feet in thick, bloody rinds. The Young Marble Giants CD exploded in my left palm and the shards severed a great deal of crucial nerve endings. I was left completely numb. I guess I would be going with the Marine Girls CD instead.
"Ooh, I like this. Who is this?" she asked as I thanked a higher power I enjoyed not believing in.
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